I have never really been able to put an anchor in my Art practice, I think this is because I used to paint anything for commissioned works, such as Dogs or cars. I feel that this way of painting took away the magic for me, and now after three years of painting my mind I can see that magic again but in a gestural way.
The anxieties of whether my work will be appreciated has always gotten the better of me, in particular, the idea of painting a photorealistic portrait creates such a stress that, on a few occasions, I stop making work all together that then creates existential dread and depression. After working in construction and the food industry, I noticed that most of the time, the mistakes of cement splatters and tomato sauce splodges were more beautiful than the controlled composition of laid bricks or a £30 dessert. As soon as I took away the fear of destroying a painting with a spill or smudge by embracing said spillage, I began to realise that controlled chaos brought me more satisfaction and pleasure than a picture perfect painting, but also that our mistakes in life are also to be embraced and reflected on through a sense of growth.
My series "Trial by Marble trail" was the exploration of this way of thinking. It's an assortment of unwanted offcuts and waste that I have compiled together into paintings made from excess Marble dust and sculptures made from unwanted materials to seem out of place and trick the eye. They are also a product of creative playfulness, using anything I could get my hands on from skips or fabricating businesses and then analysing them in an experimental process that led me to Marble dust pours, red hot glowing spikes and fake soil.